Normal Trash
by Rikkacchi
Summary: Cover by Sidu. Rin Kagami is just normal trash stuck in a hell. And the only way to escape it is death. But can the school's resident player convince her that she can overcome the rumors, screams and resentment? Or will Rin succeed in her flight? Based off of Abstract Nonsense.
1. Jump Already

**A/N: Rikkacchi here! So this is a darker story that I wanted to write after hearing Abstract Nonsense. I tried teen angst, which wasn't hard for me XD. This will end up being a Rin/Len fic. I know I have many other stories going on but I wanted to start this before the idea escaped me. Please review-this was difficult for me to write and I love feedback. Also, italics=flashback near the end.**

 **Strong suicidal/self harm themes, be warned!**

 **...**

 _I'm gonna do it this time._

A high roof. The school's roof, to be exact.

 _All you have to do is jump!_

"Come on…" I grumbled under my breath. It'll all be over; all the pain, insults, bad feelings…you can't feel when you're dead. Everyone will feel so horrible, it'll serve them right…nobody's gonna miss you, you're trash. Just do it!

Three stories. Fifth attempt.

 _I can't._

Damn it. Every time.

My pathetic self just stared at the ground below. Everybody walking down there, none of them would care. Nobody…especially myself. So why couldn't I just do it?!

"You're so weak, Rin." I want it to be over. All of it.

I say that. Every single day, I say that! It's true, isn't it? If it weren't, I wouldn't be trying to kill myself once a week in any way I can only to quit halfway. Maybe I need help. But I'm stuck in life, not in my way of thinking. Nothing can get me out of life but death.

…

"There's the Rolling Girl."

Only the seniors can remember the Rolling Girl. But all their underclassmen know the story, including myself.

I've even seen pictures. Blue hair in high pigtails, pale skin, big blue eyes and the school uniform; a collared shirt with a black sweater and a pink pleated skirt. In the majority of the photos her face was beat up with bandages all over.

Everyone thought of her highly now. I don't know why. All she was was a struggling student who was insane and self-harmed because she was so stressed. One day, the story goes, a boy hugged her and said it was okay to not be perfect. She choked him until he passed out and then killed herself.

That's the short version. Apparently she was also mentally unstable and broke things and hit people. Then she'd hurt herself afterwards. Choking, punching herself, and staying up all night studying and make herself sick that way, since her mental and physical health was so poor. She didn't eat; I guess that was why she was so sick. Yeah, sob story, wah wah. The story also says the one thing she would say to people was "Mou ikkai." It means 'one more time' in some language.

There was something about a piano in there, too.

It's so famous because it's such a bizarre case. I mean, it's a legend in this town. People care about one depressed person over millions because of some factor in their lives. They're famous, they're pretty, they're insane.

Nobody would care about me if I died. I'll never be a legend.

Rolling Girl. More like attention whore. She probably faked her insanity.

The boy who said that, the "There's the Rolling Girl," was looking at me when he said it. I knew him. He was the resident player of my grade, Len Kagamine. I hate that guy. His smug smile, that stupid blonde hair that was so crisp and pretty compared to mine.

I glared at him, hugging my books close to me. "I'm no Rolling Girl."

He just grinned and faded out of my peripheral as I walked on.

Even the beat up face of that insane girl was prettier than mine. Those wild blue eyes were stunning in comparison to my dull grey ones.

Classes were almost over. I just wanted to go home. My head bent into my chest and I shuffled to last period. Maybe if I lay low I won't be bothered by any more of these idiots.

"Hey, blondie."

Shit.

So much for laying low.

"What do you want, Luka?"

 _"Cut her, Rin! Cut her!"_

 _My hands trembled so badly that the scissors placed there fell out. Luka Meguri cursed and forced her foot harder on the underclassman's back. Her 'friends' Gumi and Miki laughed as the student sobbed and begged. "You're so stupid! I'll do it myself!" Luka screamed. Just as she bent to pick up the sharp tool, the door to the girls' locker room opened._

 _Quickly the pink haired girl pushed me in front of her, standing in front of the poor girl bawling and bruised before us._

 _"What's going on in here?" Coach Akira barged in, fuming._

 _"Rin was going to hurt this girl and we were trying to stop her!" Miki proclaimed._

 _"Rin Kagami! You are in so much trouble. I'll have you expelled if this happens again. I'm calling your parents," Akira yelled._

 _She then helped the bruised girl off the ground. I waited for the girl to defend me, to say I didn't actually do anything, but as she walked out with the coach she just sent a hateful glance my way._

 _"God, Rin. Why are you so mean?" Gumi said. "You're even worth less than that dumb germ."_

Put a price tag on my life.

Hey Luka? How many people are you going to destroy like this? Round the number please.

I felt so alone after I was suspended for two weeks. I tried venting on online forums. There was no audience to me. I came back to school and nobody would talk to me. And for the first time, I felt depressed in my life. My home environment wasn't that good, but school had been my escape. And then the locker room incident happened. Rumors spread and people hated me universally. I thought befriending someone as popular as Luka would be good for me, coming to a new school. But she used me. And she still is. My first attempt at suicide was me sticking my head out of the highest window in my house I could find. Since then I still can't do it.

Her, Gumi and Miki have their own Facebook hate pages for me. There's two hundred likes. That's twice the size of my grade. And I thought, how do I recover from this? Nobody answered. This is my life. And to escape life you die. My plans for the future wavered and crumbled. Luka confronts me from time to time. "They'll like you if you do this with me," she would explain. She used those opportunities to embarrass me.

"Rin Kagami is a slut."

"Rin Kagami bullies little kids."

"Rin Kagami likes Len Kagamine.

 _"Rin Kagami is normal trash."_

Hello, reader. Welcome to my hell.

 **Some more Rin and Len interaction will be in the next chapter, don't worry! Please review, I am very very VERY new at this. Thank you and please look forward to more of my stories! :3**


	2. Hansei-san

"I just want to know how you're doing, Rin."

"Cut the shit, Luka."

Luka, Miki and Gumi acted all surprised like my actions had no reasoning. Their hands flew to the faces and their eyebrows jumped up. In the crowded hallway, their high voices carried.

"Rin-chan! What's wrong?" Gumi asked with a faked expression of concern.

I had to get out of here before I hurt somebody.

 _Like the Rolling Girl?_

Shut up.

My feet pounded on the linoleum floor trying to outrun the laughing and names tumbling from the demons' mouths. 

"This is your fifth suspension, Rin."

"So? When have you ever cared?"

"I care when it reflects on me!"

My mother was an intimidating woman. She worked as the district prosecutor, drinking away her problems after shifts at the bar. It didn't reflect well on her so she hid best she could. Only I knew her secret.

"Why don't you talk to me anymore, Rin?"

I looked down. Since the locker room I kept to myself much more, only talking to…whatever.

Mom sighed and hung her head. Her eyes were clouded with frustration. Her composure broke under me.

 _You hurt people, Rin._

"I'm going to bed," I say after an intense silence.

"Fine, Rin. Goodnight."

My feet drag up the stairs as the voice of her cackles through my skull. I wish she'd stop. I wasn't a bad kid. I've never felt like this before.

 _"Why don't you die? Why are you so afraid?"_

The person I saw in the mirror of my bedroom was not myself. Her voice was deeper and drawled, sounding threatening but seductive at the same time. Every bright color of my school uniform was replaced by black and red when worn by her. The thin hair on my head was thick and black on her. I guess you could say it was like something out of a movie; an evil doppelganger of some sorts. Haha. It sounded so cheesy to describe it.

I'm not laughing.

She moves on her own in the mirror. I don't have a name for her. Maybe I should choose something dramatic. Nir. Rin spelled backwards, like those other cliché doppelganger movies. I've had her since the locker room a month and a half ago. Maybe _Hansei_ was a good word for her. It meant self-reflection mentally, but she's also my physical self-reflection.

It was funny actually, how I met Hansei. _I guess that's sticking now, huh?_ I was home after I got suspended. Being the little bitch I am, I was crying in the bathroom while Mom talked to the school.

 _I heard her gasp. "I can't believe Rin could have done this…yes, I shall punish her accordingly…"_

 _My shoulders shook almost violently in their jerking motion. My phone lay cracked on the floor, the screen still on my just posted Facebook hate page. The main visual was my pale face Photoshopped onto a pole dancer wearing garters. In the two days after the event I already had 44 likes on this thing._

 _The right side of my frame hurt from lying on the cold floor._

"Hey…"

 _A voice slithered and set itself into the back of my brain. I moved my hands, which had been over my eyes, and looked into the low set mirror of the room. Hansei, in all her sinister glory, sat with her legs crossed across from me, in the form of my reflection. She was smirking, glowering at me._

"What if…you just died?"

 _I rubbed my bloodshot eyeballs and blinked._

 _"What are you…?"_

"I'm you, Rin."

 _I'm going crazy._

 _"No, no, no…"_

"Come on, peach-face…" _she whispered seductively as she crawled closer towards me_. "Nobody'll miss you…"

I still can't get rid of her.

Maybe I was becoming her. I don't know.

Her low voiced descriptions of a better place sounded pretty good to me after a week of her whisperings, and finally I had tried.

By pathetically sticking my head out of my upstairs bedroom window.

Hansei was there egging me on like she was today.

 _Do it, Rin._

 _DO IT, RIN._

 _FUCKING JUMP YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF—_

I feel exhausted so I ignore my reflection and try to go asleep. Like everything else, I failed at that too.


End file.
